She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
That was an excessively violent trivia night
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
