woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
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