I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
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I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
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Another day, another engagement, another cat
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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