Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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