You're my little dorito
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Sorry about my life...
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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