She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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