we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
