i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
