You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
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