hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
