shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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