Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
