ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Randomize
