so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
