A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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