I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
