my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize