this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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