Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
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All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
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my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
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