My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Alive.
So much puke
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
