i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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