Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
