mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
