How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
