dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Randomize
