Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
