a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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