i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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