Swine flu. Run for my life!
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
