Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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