Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
