The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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