i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
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