I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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