I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Randomize
