Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
