My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
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