My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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