I'm so fucking centered right now
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
