I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
