Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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