what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
