my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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