Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
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