I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch