I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok