I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
