it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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