I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I can't put those talents on a resume
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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