wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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