I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
You're like the curious george of whores
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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