You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.