God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.