I'm an idiot
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.