Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
