yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week š
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Iām gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a ābrilliantā idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
