I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
