He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
All the doctor said was why
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
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