Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
