I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
